Outfit Hall of Shame: The Onesies Series

You know ASOS will never fail to disappoint on the Hall of Shame stakes. Just hop onto the sale items and the heavily discounted section. BOOM-TISH Bob's your Uncle.
I bring you.. the Jumpsuit edition.

SEXY? Boiler Jumpsuit

What in the living daylights is THIS? ASOS idea of a joke on Sexy Boiler outfits. Can someone Please Explain (in my best Aussie accent and a red wig on my head). What.is.this? Please note I also screen captured the glorious picture of someone carrying a handbag with this. Are they suggesting that you wear this OUT of the HOUSE? The only reason this would be sexy is if you are trying to seduce someone that bats on the same team as you. And he has a thing for painters and tradies that have to put on a boiler suit. If that's the case, someone is going to have to walk up and down a new housing estate with lots of building happening and test out this theory. Get in on this... do sweaty men working a trade arouse your man?

Going to the Playboy Mansion anyone? 

I suppose one would really need something like this Bandeau Playsuit with Peplum if they were going to the Playboy Mansion. But last I heard, Hugh Hefner is married ... no chances left there for inheriting a fortune ladies. Time to go back to sugadaddy.com or something. Gosh darned it. I was hoping to put this on with playboy bunny ears. Also run.. do not walk. It is now reduced to 12 GBP! At least all you can see are those peplum flaps and not the flaps of the other variety I guess.

What is this? And why is is saggy at the hoochie?

I really don't know why ASOS thought it was a great idea to combine see-through mesh with high shine PU vinyl. Why? Did they not realise Matrix was done and dusted a long time ago? And why is it saggy at the hoochie? The PU vinyl is not even fitted. And there's a frigging keyhole at the back. I just cannot fathom why anyone thought let's make a see through mesh suit with PU high shine vinyl. Oh yeah yeah... the podium dancers, they love it sick.

There are no words

There are just ... Ok I get that jumpsuits are laze about gear. But what is this Oversized Jumpsuit? It's an old sheet sewn up at the crotch and sewn together with the doona cover as they ran out of sheet. I get that it is collaborated with a designerrrrr. But what is this? 120GBP? Really? I'm ripping up my old sheets to sew this up as we speak.